3.05.2013

Lesson One

Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God
as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day,
and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden.
But the Lord God called to the man, “Where are you?”
-Genesis 3:8-
Two years ago, I was told I would know my calling on May 30th. I booked my ticket to Hong Kong and went to a missions convention there, eagerly waiting for God's voice to strike the ground and split the sky like the way it did in Moses' times. The day was busy and soon over, and in the evening, I found myself sitting on a large world map in the center of the hall, a little disappointed in my inability to hear the audible voice of God, but embraced by the simple joy of being loved. I was happy, not in want but at peace. A little baby (a year old?) whom I didn't know came toddling over. He smiled, picked up a post-it note--the attendees were supposed to write prayers on the post-its and stick them to the respective countries-- and handed it to me.

Take it, he seemed to say. Surpsingly, it was a blank note. Just as I thought I'd grab it he held it back from me and toddled away, smiling.

Interesting, I thought.




After a while he came toddling back. He looked at me intently this time, then to my knees, and back up, as if motioning me to make him a comfortable seat. I folded my legs and sure enough, he plopped himself onto me. Panning the world map from side to side, he turned back "Wow," he sighed in wonder.

Thus in this strange way I found my calling in life -- to write on their hearts.

Looking back, I've written thousands of wrong post-its, framed them with rubrics and stuffed them with comments that are meant for assignments, not for lives.

Do you really know who they are?
Do you know what I have to write on their hearts?

It's not about filling in the words, filling in the blanks ---stop!

Perhaps I was to be handed the post-its. Perhaps they weren't to be written with human hands. I try and try and try, scrambling for what a teacher can use within earthly bounds --methods, strategies, coaxing, scowling. If life is about controlling, behaving properly and measuring up to a standard, we'll always fail.

There is a brewing frustration
and an ageless temptation
to fight for control
by manipulation.

After school, I scavenge for comfort in a good pesto pasta -- a taste of good old L.A -- as I vent my frustration over lunch to a student-friend. Later she messaged me: "Did you know today is May 30th?"
That night I clung on to that sign for dear hope.

* * *
After a night's wrestling (not unlike the one with Jacob) with them, with myself, He sung over us. I would never forget the humbling feeling of receiving and handing them a first post-it, written right, and for once, from their Father's heart. Here it is:

Lesson one -

do not hide.

"Lesson one - do not hide
Lesson two - there are right ways to fight
And if you have questions
We can talk through the night."
-Jars of Clay

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